After the Fact
by Twilight Antediluvian
Summary: One-shot-ish. HitsuKarin. If your twin marries your first-ever crush, the world kind of seems to end. Not to worry though, the knight in shining armour has a few tricks up his sleeve, even though he'd never admit it.


By now, if you've kept reading my stories, you might have realised that one story often lives in an entirely different reality than the next. Congratulations, spot on. If I need Karin to get lost in a forest, she'll damn well have no sense of direction. If I, on the other hand, should need her to wander about Soul Society like a native, she'll have an internal compass. As long as it doesn't bother the character portrayal, I don't see a problem.

SPOILERS: (up to manga ch 187, anime season 5 ep 111)

DISCLAIMER: I own the invisible, flying pig and Kubo Tite owns pretty much the rest.

* * * * * * * *

**After the Fact**

Ever had that feeling that things aren't exactly going your way? Then had that aggravated until your entire life stank? That's how it feels to stand at your twin's wedding, knowing she's marrying the guy you wanted but you love her too much to say. It's always looked like I was the dominant twin, but I can tell you right away that's a truth with significant modifications. Yuzu never had to say much to get me to agree, really, but it's not her kind of thing to boss people around. She's just too nice for that and maybe she's the strong one because she's never been afraid of her own weakness, even if that sounds strange.

So… I'm standing here next to my beaming father, my happy brother and my brilliant sister-in-law, faking a smile. It's not as if I can avoid the occasion, either. She's my _twin_! And he's a good friend of my brother's, although I'll admit I hadn't seen all that much of him until a few years ago. I'm twenty now, it all started the spring when Shuuhei-kun showed up at our house on some Shinigami business.

Way back in the beginning, Ichi-nii and I were the ones with decent reiatsu. Of course, Ichi had the most; there's a reason he was the one who saved these people's sorry asses, but even when I didn't care about ghosts I still saw them. Yuzu had the least, but with a big brother like ours it only took her a few years to be able to see Shinigami as well.

Sometime around then was when we found out about dad's secret history. That was a bit of a shock. Then, just as we were getting used to _why_ we were the strangest family in town, Hisagi Shuuhei comes around like lightning from a clear sky. He's strong and cool. Yuzu calls him "tall, dark and handsome". As if any of that is necessary.

I suppose it's not so strange that I'm placed second. My twin, with her waist-length golden hair and her dark eyes, is a tiny goddess. She also happens to be kind and compassionate and her cooking skills are incredible. And she's very much a woman, whereas I seem to be forever stuck in tomboy-land. It's not that I'm not comfortable with who I am, only… sometimes, I wish I was someone else just for a few minutes so I could feel what Yuzu must be feeling right now.

She's smiling like an angel. He looks at her as if she is one. Deep in my heart, I know I think the same; she deserves this chance to be as happy as only someone as caring as she can be. The best I can do is make sure I don't get in the way of that.

Since Shinigami don't exactly marry as a rule, the entire Seireitei seems to have joined in for the celebration. Ninth division are strutting around like peacocks flashing their feathers; they're so proud of their fukutaichou and his beautiful bride that I think one of them is going to burst soon. Of course, the ceremony _had_ to be followed by a celebration including insane amounts of saké. It just wouldn't be a Seireitei party without it. The few people I've seen around that I know by name are all already getting smashed. I passed the comfy trio Matsumoto, Abarai and Kira on the way. Wow, to think Matsumoto is capable of drinking so much; the guys were already starting to fold but she looked like she could go for miles… though, maybe those words aren't so practical when talking about the woman in question.

"Ah, _Kurosaki-chan_!" Now who was being annoying? Oh, the guy in the pink flower robes. With his stuffy, but likeable fukutaichou trailing along behind him.

"Taichou." Whatever his name is. Something about 'fun', but I can't be bothered to care. I had a little saké earlier. It was good for dulling the senses, but hardly what it's cracked up to be. The old goat that calls himself our father wasn't looking, fortunately, or he would've beheaded the poor fool who offered it to me. There are some drawbacks to being ex-captain Kurosaki Isshin's daughter.

"You don't look so festive at _all_, and such a lovely lady you are too! Why don't you join me for some saké and I'm sure… _ouch_, Nanao-chan, how terrible!" She fit her captain like a glove in some ways, Ise-fukutaichou. She had just smacked the fingers he placed on my shoulder. Yes, they made a very good tag team.

"Excuse me taichou, fukutaichou." If I had to be respectful, which Yuzu had asked me nicely to be, then at the very least I didn't have to hang around trying to look like I was drunk and cute.

There had to be _somewhere_ around here that wasn't full of ranked officers, smashed Shinigami and people acting like idiots. At least Yuzu and Shuuhei had gone off somewhere, giving me all the go-ahead I needed to leave the party. I had to straighten my back and bite my lip to keep from glowering at the nearest unfortunate when I thought of them.

It was always obvious to me that Yuzu would find someone to love. She was too loveable not to and she'll make a great mother. At the same time, it seemed just as obvious that I'd end up like this. I couldn't even try, because honestly; what was left to try for? Hisagi Shuuhei was _the_ star of the show. I never cared for any man like that before and now… well, sure I'm a bit bitter and angry, but the hardest part is knowing in my heart that I _have_ to swallow the bitterness and act like everything's ok. Don't get me wrong, I'm good at acting like everything's ok… I've just never had to adapt Ichi-nii's stressed-out face before. The one he used to wear before Rukia made it all better, on days when he couldn't handle the pressure, but he didn't want us to know. Which is stupid, 'cause of _course_ we knew.

It doesn't matter. I'm sure nobody noticed me. At least I had enough time before the wedding in this 'Soul Society' place to get used to the layout. I found this really nice, wild garden a bit outside Rukongai. Did I mention that I've learned shunpo? As if they could keep _that_ particular skill from me very long. At least the garden seemed empty. Sure, there's the birds nesting somewhere in the trees and other animals hiding in the undergrowth, but nothing else that I could see; usually people from Rukongai run as far as they can when a Shinigami arrives. Those poor souls.

Any other day of the week, I would have appreciated the silence. Being alone seems to run in the family; even if Ichigo is the worst, we all need to shut ourselves off from the world now and then. Except Yuzu. Strong, wonderful, brilliant Yuzu, who took Mom's place when I couldn't and Ichigo and the old goat were both too lost to even try. Today… alone seemed to be all I had been, wherever I went, so it was just another reminder… but it was a better reminder than to stay at that bloody party and be patted on the back and hear how lucky I was for having the Substitute for a brother, a member of the Kuchiki clan for a sister-in law and now a fukutaichou brother-in-law. Yeah, gimme some credit, will you? So maybe I'm not my brother, but I pack a pretty mean punch too, so I don't need other people's associated fame. Not that any of you would consider that.

"Aaah, what is _wrong_ with this place?!" My outburst wasn't directed at anyone, really, and the birds sure didn't like it, but I couldn't be bothered. I needed to vent and now that I didn't have to worry about anyone overhearing I was_ going to_ vent. Once I remembered that I was alone it was like something fragile broke inside me. "What is wrong with _me_?" I'm Kurosaki Karin; I'm not fragile and I needed to hear that.

"I'm a Kurosaki, something like this won't get me down. Come on, I'll take you all on!" Well, that made me feel a little better, but I was only talking to tiny woodland creatures. No killable Hollow was likely to come running to ease my troubles, so the pressure returned pretty much instantly.

"Damn. Why am I being such an _idiot_? She's happy, everybody's happy, I should be bloody happy." There wasn't much conviction there. I banged my fist against a tree, as if brute force could make it true. "I'm_ happy._" The tree was in a really good spot for hitting so I tried it a few more times. "My sister, my _twin sister_ has married the man of her dreams and _I. Am. Happy._" The tree was cracking from the concentrated force, but I couldn't stop hitting it. "_I'm HAPPY goddamnit!_"

"Then stop crying." A slender hand gripped mine before I could beat my bloodied knuckles against the bark once more.

"I'm _not_ crying!" I whipped around and glared at the intruder. He was right of course, I _was_ crying, I just couldn't help myself. Every time I'd met him, Toushiro had always been right. "Aw _crap_." Not _him_.

I turned my head away. Could it please be some Shinigami who had never seen me before, someone I'd never have to meet again? Someone who would get so drunk they wouldn't remember seeing the bride's twin sister mauling a tree trying to convince herself that she wasn't miserable? Unfortunately, when I looked back it was still a boy-man about the same size as me with a perpetual frown and a mop of unruly white hair. Asking him to stay quiet about it was pointless. He wouldn't go gossip on me, asked or not, but I'd always _know_ that he knew.

Then the damn punk hugged me. I don't know how he did it; if someone had said to me an hour earlier that Toushiro was capable of hugging someone I would have laughed in their face. Somehow, I'd always supposed that the whole 'compassion' gene had skipped him. Oh, he was considerate and gentlemanly all right and he'd probably sacrifice his life bravely if it would save his subordinates, but the taichou of Tenth wasn't the kind of person who did hugs and kind words. He had his fukutaichou for that; most of the time she was human like the rest of us. It wasn't exactly a regular comfy-hug though, more like he was just holding me. Still, strange.

Trying to break loose is not as easy as it sounds when someone with captain-class muscles is determined to keep you from hurting yourself. Somehow I wasn't even sure I wanted to. At least I wasn't alone anymore.

"Toushiro…" My voice wasn't completely steady, but at least I didn't sound like a crybaby.

"Mm?"

"Spar with me?" If I got tired enough, I would be able to sleep. Practising my skills would take my mind off… things. It wouldn't be wasted, either; Toushiro can easily block my zanpaktou in its released form even without releasing his own. He nodded and let go, reaching for Hyorinmaru over his shoulder. I missed him holding me, even if it had only been for a short, strange moment, but I didn't hesitate as I grabbed my Zuuki.

We started carefully, feeling each other's style out, but I wasn't about to wait for him to realise that I wasn't a beginner anymore.

"You need to up your game," I suggested. Except for a slight twitch in the corner of his eye, the only thing that showed that he had heard me was the increased speed and heavier attacks. The power, I could deal with, but the speed was harder to handle. Yes, this was good. All I needed to do was focus on Toushiro and the clanging of our zanpaktou for all the painful things to go away.

My first shunpo still took him so completely by surprise that I _almost_ got a hit in on his sword arm. Of course, even at my best I'm not anywhere near as quick as he is so he blocked at the last moment, but I did have the satisfaction of seeing his eyes widen a bit at the unexpected attack.

"You have been training." I was about to answer, but then he went on the offense and it was all I could do not to be mowed into the ground. After going at it like a madman for a few moments, the annoying tease eased up again. Just because I could only barely defend myself didn't mean I wasn't having fun.

"Don't do that." I could hardly breathe, but that wasn't important as long we circled each other, zanpaktou versus zanpaktou and shinigami on shinigami. Somewhere along the way it had stopped being about getting tired enough to sleep and now it was all about the focus. "Don't go so slow."

"I'm following your speed." Well, _duh_, but…

"That's… not the point." Gosh, it shouldn't be so hard to speak. "I need you… to help me break my limit." We crossed blades a couple of times again while he looked pensively at me. Then, without another word, he went back to pressuring me.

That worked just fine for another five minutes or so, but no matter how much I tried not to let it show, my body wasn't used to the pressure and it was definitely failing me. It really was just a matter of time, even with someone of his skill, before he hit me. And he did; a clean swipe over the ribs that made me hiss in pain. Still, it had been a marvellous exercise, I just needed… to rest a bit. I knew it had to look silly when I practically stumbled to sitting position with my back against a tree, grinning like an idiot, but Toushiro _really_ wasn't laughing. Stubborn, annoying…

"What was _that_?"

"I failed to sidestep in time, what did it look like?" He glared at me; apparently that wasn't enough of an excuse, but he dropped the subject anyway.

"…Sometimes I forget you never went to the Academy. Try not to leave yourself completely open when you dodge, next time. Now let me take a look at that."

"What? No!"

"Don't be a fool. Do you want to have to explain to Fourth why you've got a slash wound touched with frostbite on your sister's wedding day?"

"I… damn you." Anyone with half a brain would recognise Hyorinmaru's aura around that wound and I didn't want to get him into trouble. Yuzu would wonder how I got injured, too, and worrying her was _so_ not on my list of things to do.

I undid the knot of my obi clumsily, partly because I was dead tired after all the fighting and partly because I knew my face had just turned a very deep red. Not much I could do except ignore that, though. The blood was pouring out from the sensitive veins on my ribcage in a way I found definitely uncomfortable. _I don't have time to be touchy about this_. Trying to look unaffected I pulled the bloodstained kimono aside.

"Don't worry," he said. Was that a slight flush of his cheeks or were the dusk and shadows playing tricks on me? "I'll be quick." His hands were chilly and soft when they settled over the wound. I was about to look away; the whole situation and sitting here half-naked in front of him was making me shiver, but he looked paradoxically steady and fragile at the same time. Against my will, I was mesmerized.

The lock of hair over his left eye that rebelled against the organised chaos of the rest was a shadowed contrast to the last light of day playing in the white strands. His keen eyes were completely focused on the task at hand. I couldn't have been looking for the wrong thing all along? Right? He was gentle. The blood flow lessened to a trickle and then stopped completely as the wound closed and the only thing I felt was his soft touch and a mild surge of energy from his hands. The contact disappeared so suddenly. He looked at me and I almost thought I saw a smile as he folded the robe back into place.

"_Ugh_." The kimono was disgusting now that the sticky blood had started cooling off and coagulating. He frowned.

"Come on, looks like you need to get changed." He extended a hand and I nodded. Usually I would have scoffed at the idea of needing help to get up, but I had just been spared some _really_ uncomfortable explanations, he was making the best of an embarrassing moment and I was dead tired, so I only hesitated a little before taking it. _He's so strong_. _I want to be that strong, so I can protect them, like Ichi-nii does… I don't want to be the one who needs to be protected anymore_.

"You're already at the same level as a seated officer," Toushiro mumbled. I hadn't spoken out loud, had I? "Whatever you're afraid you can't handle, just get stronger until you can." No, I hadn't been talking to myself, I knew that much. He was just uncannily good at this kind of thing, apparently. I couldn't help but reach out and touch him.

"Ah, I'm so _stupid_," I mumbled to myself. Here I'd been thinking there was only one impressive person in the world. Maybe I'd been blinded because we've known each other for so long; since before I became a Shinigami. The way he coldly raised an eyebrow told me more about his opinions of that comment than any flashy statement could have. I started laughing. And the way he glared at me for it!

"I'm sorry, Toushiro," I managed as my fits of laughter subsided. "That was just so… _you_." That only served to deepen his scowl, but by then I was only smirking at him. "Oh, don't be so stiff." _He'd do well to loosen up just a tiny bit, really_. So I put my arms around him. He tensed, of course.

"What are you doing? We should get you back to your rooms so you can get changed."

"I know, I know. I just realised something." I stood there, with my head resting on his shoulder, his cheek nearly touching mine and his erratic breathing soft against my neck. His breath was surprisingly warm compared to the arriving chill of night.

"All right," he said, sounding resigned, "what then?" It took me a moment to understand what he meant, my train of thought was already elsewhere.

"I've been looking for something I had right in front of me all along." Weird. He finally relaxed. That wasn't what I had expected. His breathing slowed a little; then he placed a light kiss on my cheek and pried away my hands.

"Let's go. Now I have to change, too."

"Woah! Sorry about that." I was blushing, and I _don't_ like blushing. Had I… was he…? I couldn't allow myself to seem affected. "C'mon then." We headed back with shunpo, which took its own toll, but I'd be damned if I were going to act like a weakling any longer than I already had.

This was Yuzu's and Shuuhei's day; that thought didn't bother me half as much as it had an hour ago. Since he was fukutaichou of Ninth division, that was were we had been housed. Being me, I had already figured out a sneaky way in. A shunpo step to take me over the surrounding wall in the right place and then in between two buildings, a passage that was hardly enough to squeeze through. This brought us straight up to my door, though it earned me another raised eyebrow from Toushiro. So I smirked as I pulled aside the shoji screen and snuck inside, motioning him to follow with a silent gesture. At least the people outside were so rowdy they didn't seem to have noticed us.

And he followed quietly, allowing me my chosen secrecy. There was of course also the possibility that he'd rather not be seen strolling about on Ninth division grounds. The place wasn't so homey, but it was somewhere to stay, somewhere to keep my stuff while we were in this world. Actually, I rather liked Soul Society; the only thing I really missed from home was the soccer games.

I tried to avoid thinking in that direction. It felt too much like considering what would happen if I'd stay here. Still, Yuzu would… and Ichigo already did. Coming back home wouldn't be much like coming home at all; _that_ particular fact was something I'd been considering since Yuzu told me she'd be getting married in the first place. It would just be me and Dad. While I love Dad, that didn't sound like a combination I was in a hurry to try.

"Don't peek," I warned him as I snuck in behind a screen with a fresh change of clothes. _It's just Toushiro, stupid, he'd never do such a thing. Although, I kinda wish…_ I managed to stop that thought firmly in its tracks. No point in acting like one of those silly fangirls that kept turning up "innocently" wherever he went. Of course, in the World of the Living fangirls would have been _much_ worse, but even here they obviously annoyed him. _None of those fangirls have ever been this…_ owah! I needed to keep my mind in check, but it was harder than it should have been.

Having once started comparing Shuuhei and Toushiro I found it hard to stop; and the results were distracting. With the exception of their appearance, which I'd never paid much attention to anyway, Toushiro was winning on almost every score. Meaning…

"Aren't you finished soon?"

"Why did you even come along if you're just going to complain?" To be honest, I'd been standing there finished for like a minute already, my shihakusho in one hand, just spacing out.

"Pfft, it's not as if I asked to be…" he fell silent as I stepped out from behind the screen. Being focused on half-discreetly getting the bloodied clothes to the laundry basket, it took me a moment to notice his silence, but the fact that he was gaping like an idiot kind of tipped me off.

"What?"

"What is _that_?" I blushed _again_ of course. I shouldn't have let Yuzu pack my bags. I only had one set of shihakusho to begin with and… well, let's just say that what little regular clothes she had packed were already sweaty and grimy from training. She has a slightly different idea of how to use my wardrobe than I do; sometimes I swear she finds things in the dark corners of my clothes cabinet that I never even knew were mine! I said as much, but my embarrassed mumbling was drowned in the noise from outside. He raised that eyebrow again. Stupid Yuzu packing these stupid clothes just because we were going to this stupid wedding! I grumbled a bit, but managed to straighten.

"It's just clothes, I didn't have anything else clean. Ihaven'tfoundthelaundryroomyet." _Damn_ the man for making me nervous, I'm a Kurosaki, there's no need to be nervous!

"What did you say?"

"I haven't found the laundry room yet!" I growled at him. Could he give it up? I was already well aware that this would have looked stunning on Yuzu, but just looked silly on me, thank you very much.

"Still… I suppose I didn't consider your taste so… extravagant."

"It's _not_! Yuzu packed my bags damnit!" The blasted man _almost_ smiled. I'm not sure what I'd have done if he actually did, so it was probably best for us both that he had enough self-control to suppress it. "It's not my fault these things are so damn tight and uncomfortable." I tugged at the stretchy shirt angrily. It's way too tight over the chest; my punk-ass twin says it looks good, but I just think it looks weird. It's not as if I want the attention, either!

"Uh, yeah. They are kind of… tight." What was that tension in his voice? I glanced up from the annoying shirt. Now _he_ was blushing! "I have a spare set of shihakusho if you want to borrow. Should be about the right size." Maybe the attention wasn't… _No, no, stupid brain thinking irrelevant things!_ The offer would solve that problem, though, but…

"I couldn't…"

"I'd really rather you did." Wow. When did the Ice Prince hit puberty? It would have been really amusing to watch him squirm if it wasn't almost as uncomfortable to me.

"Yeah. Maybe you're right." I swallowed hard. I wouldn't have to live with this garb for more than the time it took us to get to Tenth, which wasn't too far from here. I'd make it, even if I was tired; that was of less importance than some other things. Such as the fact that I needed to cross my arms over my chest. I don't _do_ bras, usually I don't need to, but right now I fervently wished I hadn't thrown them out… after glaring menacingly at Yuzu for putting them in the bag in the first place. She, of course, had been quite unmoved by my general lack of appreciation for her effort in the matter. I should have had a closer look at the rest of the clothes she had packed, but there just hadn't been time.

"Let's go." We got out the same way we got in, Toushiro leading the way this time. He carefully matched his shunpo to my abilities, which annoyed me.

"Don't treat me like a baby, Toushiro! So _what_ if I can't keep up with your speed? I'll just follow your trail and get there anyway." That had him spinning around on the spot, almost making me crash into his chest. As it was, I managed to stop just inches from his nose, instinctively paralyzed by my own reaction.

"Stop trying so hard. I know you're good, but it's obvious that you're still exhausted from earlier, so don't complain." He hadn't moved from that spot, so we were still _way_ too close, but he didn't even seem to notice. One moment, he got all sensitive and embarrassed and the next he was cold and hard as stone. Oh well, two could play that game.

"Isn't that rather _my_ problem to worry about and yours to ignore?" He looked entirely unimpressed.

"No. I'm your friend." Then he just turned around again and shunpoed off, forcing me to hurry if I wanted to keep up. I knew where Tenth was and more or less what direction would be closest to the gate, so I figured out pretty quickly that he wasn't taking the main route. Maybe they'd be celebrating here, too. I felt that sting of pain again, but pushed it away firmly. I tried to think of my sister, the brilliant way she'd been smiling earlier. That helped; after all, I love her more than anyone else in the world.

Toushiro took us over the wall in the same fashion I had, but instead of bringing us quickly to somewhere, he stopped in a little clearing under the hanging branches of a cherry tree. There were flowers of all sorts around us; vibrant even now, in the gray light of dusk.

"I figured you might like this place. During the day, our people often come here to socialize, but in the evening it's usually empty." I refrained from asking if _he_ ever came here; after all this time, I already know he prefers rooftops.

"Thanks… I think." He just shrugged and hurried through the woodworks, but this time without shunpo, so it was relatively easy to keep up with him. In a way, this route was as sneaky as my earlier way into Ninth; the trees were growing almost all the way up to the taichou's office and his quarters next to it. I suppose I hadn't thought of the fact that I'd be invading his private rooms, so I was a bit hesitant when I followed him through the door.

The captain's quarters of Tenth were sparsely decorated, but that only made it more fitting. Yes, a place like this would be what I had expected of Toushiro. It didn't take him long to pull out two sets of wonderfully clean shihakusho. At first, I had thought the outfit looked formal and silly. Then… as I got used to it, I really started to appreciate it. It was loose enough that I could easily move around in it and flowed nicely around me when I did, though I was glad I didn't have to struggle with something like the long-sleeved haori some of the captains wore. I accepted the clothes with a sigh of relief that must've been more telling than I thought, because he smirked at me.

"You can change here, I'll be in the office. It's just next door so you can come around and knock when you're done." Then he just turned around and walked out. It would be nice to don some real clothes, too. It usually takes me a while to figure out what goes how with all these things, but at least for the moment itseemed to be agreeing with me. Most things hadn't, today.

That thought made me stop dead in my tracks. I had forgotten my earlier pain so easily… then it could hardly be serious. How come I hadn't forgotten before? Had their wedding been the final confirmation that I couldn't have the man I wanted, so I'd given up because of that? Didn't seem very likely, I've never been the type to give up in the face of such things. If it had been the moment I realised Yuzu wanted him, this would have been logical. I love her more than myself sometimes. It wasn't that moment, though. I did still feel a faint tinge of loss when I thought of him, but not much. Something in this evening had changed me, had taken away my pain and let it fly. I settled by a little table, leaning my head in my hands; Toushiro would wait a moment longer. The sleeves of his shihakusho were slightly longer than mine, but that made for excellent padding under my chin when I was thinking.

I started going over the wedding, event by event. There wasn't anything that would've initiated such a change; in fact, I'd been feeling even more rotten when I left than when I arrived! The smell of the shihakusho was distracting me though, Toushiro's shihakusho smelling of Toushiro wasn't that strange, but, still… _Toushiro_! I rose so quickly I completely lost my balance and fell back down on the mats with a loud, surprised yelp, but I couldn't stay like that. I rose a bit more carefully the second time, cursing my own stupidity under my breath. There was a knock on the door, to top it off.

"Karin! Are you all right?" He sounded concerned. I wasn't made of glass, damnit!

"I just fell, it's not like I'd die from the shock or anything." I went up to the door, pushing it aside. "I am finished changing though, so I suppose I should get out of your face." I didn't _want_ to, but I wanted to at least give him the option of silently watching me leave, if he'd rather have it that way. There really weren't any words to describe my relief when he grabbed my shoulders and locked my gaze with his.

"You're _not_ in the way." He said it so coldly I was almost worried for a moment, but his face was dead serious. "Don't ever assume you are." I shrugged, unable to accept such a compliment. I absently scratched my nose with a sleeve. Breathing in that scent again, I had to look away. _He's a captain. He's got a horde of girls that would wait upon him hand and foot if he wanted. He's got Matsumoto, for crying out loud! I'm being unrealistic. Wait, wait… what? What am I being unrealistic about? I can't be thinking… that's just silly, he's _Toushiro!

"Whatever. I don't even know what I'm thinking anymore," I mumbled. I just needed to get away from all this confusion. "I think I'd better leave…"

"Karin… don't go." I think we both realised about the same time what, exactly, he had said. He really looked like he couldn't believe he'd said that, but at the same time pleased that he had. I felt all the implications of those words chasing around in my head, echoing in my ears. Maybe I wasn't as stupid as I'd… perhaps, just perhaps, I wouldn't have to have nightmares of running after something that I could never reach. It would be the first night in a while, if that was the case.

"Toushiro, are you saying what I think you're saying?" I had to make sure, because if he didn't, I'd be out the door quicker than he could say _shunpo_. He nodded, still seeming a bit thrown by the entire scene. "Good," I breathed out, "I would have hated leaving like that."

Before I knew it, his arms were wrapped around me and the door was sliding shut behind him. My lips were warm beneath his and my heart was beating like nothing I'd ever felt before. His hand caressed my back before he paused for a thoughtful moment.

"Is this what you want?" I was hardly coherent, but I'm sure my opinion got through to him when I smirked and tugged at his kimono.

"Just shut up." He raised one perfect, snow white eyebrow. I laughed at him and pulled him closer. Yes; I wasn't sure how I'd missed it for so long. This… this man was who I wanted, all I needed. With Toushiro, I had never been alone. So I smiled at him when we kissed, letting us both explore these strange new senses that I'd never imagined. In the end, I think, when I fell asleep by his side, still exhausted from such a trying day… I think I was still smiling, then…

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

I woke up the following morning, almost suffocated in his embrace.

"Toushiro, I'm having trouble breathing here," I grumbled sleepily at him. No response. "Toushiro? Are you awake?" Still no response. "_Toushiro_!" Seriously, he needed to ease up a bit, he was so tense! I elbowed him sharply in the ribs, which finally got me a reaction and some much-needed air.

"What are you doing?" Peh. The man's suffocating me and doesn't even have the decency to hurt when I wake him up like that.

"You were holding me so close it was kind of hard to breathe," I said icily. He smiled.

"Well, at least I don't snore. _He_ does, you know." He even looked a bit smug at that. Maybe he deserved that elbow to the ribs. And then some. But _'he_' who?

"Who's 'he'?"

"Hisagi-fukutaichou." I couldn't believe it. He'd known? All along?

"_Toushiro_!" It definitely wasn't the last time he made fun of me… but every time he does, I remember a little better, just why I love him. _Hitsugaya Toushiro, juuban bantai taichou_. My lover… my friend.


End file.
